October 23, 2011

Okay, so maybe that one bit in the last post was a little harsh, but just a little. Im still angry at my roommate for being such an 'ig-nor-a-mus' and not saying it to my face. She must be, like, weak or something.

Anyways, yesterday, at around 4, my mother came to visit. I've been living on my own and going to school for about a month and a half now. She stayed the night, and we went to get a few things from Walmart for my room, and went out for dinner. We went back to Walmart this morning and went to look for a desk, but didn't really find one that was any good. We did find a night stand, and i came back to make it. She then left.

Ive always told myself that I've never really been lonely, but now that i know what kind of a person my roommate is, I guess i am getting a little lonely.

Ive been feeling like I'm walking in eggshells the past few days, since the roommate left me that distasteful letter. Well, I've recently found out that i am the kind of person that can never really forgive easily, and can't really trust that person again. I hold a grudge and i never let go from that. If someone burns me - of course, ill say I'm okay with it - but i never, ever let go. When someone goes behind my back like I've had done in the past, from that moment on, they never continue to be my friends, if they even were in the first place.

And i do stay angry for a long time.

So yeah call me crazy, but i don't regret writing what i did in the last post. I won't delete what i wrote, thats not real, everyone gets angry now and then, no point on denying it. I just choose to take it out on a blog, which, now writing it, seems stupid. A much better thing to do would be to take it out n a punching bag, but as i do not have one of those...or better yet, on myself. Like running longer than usual, or not eating for a day. Little things, but things that make an impact.

lovelovelove

~em

wow, I've just been to my profile, and realized that it has been two years since i started this blog.

Thats a long time. That would have been the first fall after graduation.

thats a long time ago, and thankfully all the troubles that i had then are behind me for good! well, maybe some of them.

Isn't it weird that whenever something good happens, it always seems as if something bad happens that brings you back to where you started, where you hated yourself again?

well, this past few days have been okay, I've been going to school, i went shopping and got new clothes, and on sale no less.

But last night, when i came home, i found this on the bathroom counter. it was a note from my roommate saying some...things that can't be true, since a lot of them, I've been doing right. For instance, she states that she seems to be taking out the trash, when she hardly ever uses it. WEll, she's been gone the last two weekends, coming home way late on sunday night, so to think that she would even be able to take the trash out at 11 at night....absurd. No, I am the one who is taking the trash out on sunday night, making sure that I've checked the kitchen for trash, and the bathroom bin. I can't believe she had the nerve to write that. The idea that maybe she's talking about some other trash, like what she keeps somewhere else, came to mind, but i do take everything out. I DO!

She also wrote a whole half a page paragraph about how she's taken food safe, and how she's finding some of the dishes still sticky, with huge smudges on them, and 'splots' on the cups.

Firstly, splots isn't even a word, secondly, you should really see this girls vocal. It sucks! Thirdly, i don't really care if she's taken food safe, i have as well; i know how hot the water needs to be, i know how to clean dishes, I've been doing it for the past three years. She also gets as into tiny details like writing how the washcloth should not be balled up, as bacteria can get in.....well, I'm not stupid, i know what happens. I don't ball it up every time i use it; ill admit that maybe I've done it a few times, but most of the time, i wring it out, and put it over between the two sinks.

Now I'm starting to seriously regret getting a place with a roommate, i didn;t think it would be so hard. no wait, not hard, but now its like everything i do is to impress her, and for what? just so she can believe she's better than me???

now this will be rude, so don't read if you don't want to:

but, she's the one on student loan, she's the one who eats things like tortilla chips, and meat, and drinks coke like theres no tomorrow. Im the one who drinks water, oj, and maybe choc. milk every once in a while; I'm the one who has ALL of her school expenses paid, I'm the one who is doing well at my classes, and I am the one who isn't watching tv all the time. Im not the one who leaves her things in the dryer, and when i say things i mean underwear. seriously, when i want to dry my clothes that i have just washed, i want to be able to put them in the dryer without too much of a hassle.

Anyways

yeah

lovelovelove

~em

it has surely been a while since i last blogged.

im not sure if i mentioned this, but i moved to the city.

it feels good to get on with my life, to not have to go with what other people do; i can have whatever i want for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and can eat whatever i want, without people bugging me; i can come and go whenever and wherever i want.

its good.

my mother is coming down to visit this weekend.

she's been texting me, and i think she wants to meet up.

the only thing is i absolutely DO NOT want to meet mary.

Im not sure if i mentioned this before in a previous post, but mary was my grandmother, before i denounced her of that title. Now she is not my grandmother, but just mary.

i hope i don't meet her. i hate her to the very core. Im not sure if i wrote down what happened between us back almost a year ago, but thank god i got out of there, even though at the time i didn't want to leave.

But, there is no way she will never be my grandmother again, not after what she accused me of.

Anyways, school is busy, i have a few tests, like midterms, next week.

my school is wednes to fri, one 3 1/2 hr class on wednes, two on thurs, and fri as well.

lovelovelove

~em

hello again

I cant believe how long it has been since i last posted, time seems to go by so fast!
Ive moved to the city, and am now living on my own, which is...weird. When u with ur parents, you dont realize how many little things can be very important when living on your own - such as having bowls, and sugar and cream for coffee, and then looking at things like expiration dates, and thinking about how much u eat, and taking that into account when u buy something.
Today, i went out and bought a weigh scale - the first one ive had in about maybe 3-4 years. We used to have one when i lived with my parents, but something happened to the thing where u put the battery, so we just didn't get a new one. Ive had the chance to catch a peek when I find one in peoples bathrooms - such as my mothers friends house, or even my aunts house - but i have been looking for one for awhile, guess never quite knowing where to look in stores accouted to that, but i went into the store today, and finally found one, for $20. Its not electronic, but i didnt need anything fancy. I also happened to get a dark pink little notebook - mostly for a planner, since i couldn't find one that goes from Sept - most go from the start of the year, Jan - so i just got a notebook, where I could just write the dates in it, its probably easier than searching everywhere for one that starts from Sept.
Living in the city, ive gone shopping a bit, but ive stopped looking for specific things - i specifically went out to get running shoes today, and found some - ive been feeling antsy about getting out for a jog, thinking about asking my mother to send me my old running shoes, but ill admit it, ive had those shoes for like 3 years; it was time for new ones, most definitely. Anyways, its like 1:15 am, and so much to do tomorrow.

Love, love, love
~Em

September 2, 2011

It's really the 3rd of sept, 12:24 Am, but i dont really count that until ive woken up...anyways...
School starting for me in a month, and the one thing that scares the hell out of me the most is my weight. See, im taking a fashion merchandising course at a college, and the fact that other students will be there, who share the same passion as me....one thing that scares me is that there will be skinnier people than me in that classroom, people who have a better advantage because of being skinnier, they can wear much better clothes than i can.
Thats what scares me the most, among other things. There is also the fact that I have to find a place to live, hoping that the roomate thing goes well, and such. I just pray that i can last a full year of school, since I kind of wasnt the best student...not that i wasnt the best student, but i wasn't exactly a 'A' student, so im just hoping that i can have enough self determination to get myself through a full year of school, and finish with flying colours. And this is a full year of school, not at all like uni where every summer you get a break, but all year long, not really any breaks, except the obvious ones, such as christmas, and holidays (labour day, thanksgiving, etc).
and yes, i celebrate the canada thanksgiving, and yes, i am on Robin's side from HIMYM about Canadian Thanksgiving being...what was it....The real thanksgiving? i have absolutely no idea why the canadian and american thankgivings are like, one month apart.
anyways...yeah...not much else i guess...

it has sincerely been forever since i have posted, been completely busy with moving, and soon to be starting school. busy doesn't even describe it; my mother is moving a few blocks away from our old house, my father is moving six hours away to a small town, sis is moving four hours tp college, and i am moving 18 hours away to school, to a city where i myself have to find an apartment. ugh.....so much to do.
over the last five months, ive noticed a slightly small difference in my body size, its become smaller, but still, if i had pictures, i don't think thered be much of a difference visible.
computer is hacked or whatever this thing is that keeps popping up, so may have to post later.
:)