It has been a while since I have posted anything, and for that I feel bad. I myself come onto proana sites go get inspiration, to know that I am not alone, and know that someone else out there - even if i don't know who they are - knows what i'm going through. I like being able to write in annonymity, and knowing that anyone i know will not have a clue it is me; it's kind of theraputic putting it out there, getting it off my shoulders.
So update:
I probably haven't been proving 'ana' as proud as I could have been, but one good thing that I have been doing is writing down everything that i eat; I am actually kind of suprised at how it can all add up so quickly. I have been eating more than I would want to limit myself to (500 cals per day), but I am now knowing more about my eating habits, and how to avoid temptation better then before.
Over the weekend, my mother, sister, and me took a trip to visit the uni my sister will be going to next year; whilst she was visiting, me and my mother went to do a little shopping. during this trip I did not feel very welcome on this trip; I don't know, it was just the vibe my mother and sister gave off. I graduated a year ago, and I still definitely do not know what I want todo with my life (and it's not like we all positively do know at this age anyway), so visiting the university, I guess my mother felt that her oldest daughter was a failure, and lets face it, I am. I was not the smartest during school, at least not like my sister; I do not have a job, nor do I know where I am going in life. I do know I want to go back to school, but do study a subject, I have no idea what I would study.
Being better than my sister was what I was good at up until a few years ago, and now that I have fallen behind her, it's like everyone looks at me differently. I felt more like a slower-downer on the trip, rather than a fun, helpful person. My mother annoyed me, and she was... probably disappointed.
Thinking about being thin, but then achieving it, I can only imagine the look on their faces when I get to that point, and I know I am better. Knowing that they can see the willpower and how hard I tried to finally succeed in at least one aspect of my life.
Even if I do end up at the bottom of the rabbit hole.