128

the dreaded number: 128. the number of lbs I still currently have on my bones.
I have begun spinning down the rabbit hole again. Last year about this time, I felt so lonely, and felt so incredibly fat compared to everyone else. Now I'm getting back into the same hole I was in last year...and oddly enough, it feels great.
I have made a huge effort to not even touch meat for the last few weeks, and am now going on a strict no-meat, no-soda diet. Not having meat will probably excuse me from a few meals, since my family eats meat quite often. Becoming vegetarian feels good, like I'm not just taking care of myself, but also of some hopeless, defenseless animal, who will now not have to die just to feed my stomach, or to satisfy my palette. And the environment.
I have been reading up on some books, ones that cover the topic of pro-ana. Sometiems you can get really good diet ideas from there. I have also been reading up on all the blogs that I have not been reading the last couple of months.
It feels really good to be going back into the hole that i was in before. (for some reason, that always reminds me of Alice when she went down to wonderland)
i hope everyone has been doing well
love and kisses,
~emma