ugh

hello again
anyways
does anybody else who weighs 125 or more, get like this greasy feeling, like your body is greasy and you just can't wait to get out of your top and bra, and put on just a simple tank top?
Well, I feel like that sometimes; i get this feeling like im all greasy. I don't know what it is.
Anyways, i think i have survived a few days without meat. Nest stop: no dairy. So ive been reading the skinny bitch book, and some of the things in there....eewww! for those who have read it, and have read the meat section, then youll know what im talking about, but for those of you who didn't, please don't!! it talks about how animals are treated in the factory, and it is seriously SICK!! it has even put me off from even touching meat!!!

anyways, hope everyone is doing well. its late so ill go now
til later

lovelovelove
~Em

'Low Self Esteem Leads To 'Hefty Hannah''

For those of us who recognize that nickname, right on!! (for those of you who are clueless, it was a nickname Hannah had on Pretty Little Liars before she was thin)
Anyways, so i just spent the last half hour crying over the fact that my life is now officially falling apart. Im on the waitlist...waitlisted in college! ARGHHHHHHHHH!!! I guess its fine a little though, since i still not quite sure exactly what to do; i was thinking of going into English, but hats as far as I go in my mind, for a career path. i have absolutely no clue what i want to do 5 years from now, no clue whatsoever! I know i want to continue in something like fashion or something, but besides that, im not absolutely sure.
So i cancelled my residency thing, so now, in the fall.......
All i can think about right now is the disappointment ill see in my fathers eyes when i tell him what ive decided to do.
oops, someones outside, and its late, write later

lovelove
~Em

when you don't eat, or stop eating, ironically, when your bored or just sitting food is all i tend to think about. When im working, when im on the computer, or when im walking the dog. I think about what i could eat next, how many calories it contains, and how long i would have to jog to get rid of it. Its a constant battle to stop myself thinking about food, and concentrate on other things.
i just wish things were easier, and straight forward.
Doesn't it just seem that back when we were a child, everything was so simple? You knew what you wanted to be when you grew up - a ballerina, firefighter, lawyer - whatever it was, you knew right away whenever a parent asked you. I don't even know what I want to do - its so confusing!

I think im starting to go into a rebel phase. well not really, but im starting to think about completely changing my hair, changing it from the plain layered hair. if you have seen ami walsh on Supersize vs superskinny season 4 episode 2, thats about what i think i want.

I never really had a rebel stage when i was growing up in high school, and to me, i think that the phase comes at some point in a teenagers life. Im starting to see my parents as people who i can't believe anymore, people who are the complete opposite i thought when i was younger, now their completely flawed.

When i say 'the complete opposite i thought when i was young', i mean that, when you were 5 years old, parents seemed like so nice, etc., but as you grow up you start to see that they are seriously flawed, and that they aren't as perfect as you thought they were when you were 5 years old.

Anyways, so yeah, i think im just going through a rebel phase..who knows, maybe i am, maybe not.

Last night I talked to my dad, and talking about taking courses at school, and he started pointing out things, saying how my sister has made everything work for her, how she does things, blah, blah, blah, and he kept asking questions, and i started to feel frustrated and completely mad at myself, and felt that I didn't want to eat at all for the rest of the night. So now I know that when i feel frustrated and angry, i tend to not to want to eat.

anyways, things aren't as good as i would like but sumer is here, hot weather, and stuff, so that is pushing me harder. yeah....

hope everyone is doing well.

Lovelovelove

~Em

Day 3

Last night, i went for another run - 35 minutes- and then a cold shower. Then i went for a 5 min bike ride, and when i came home, i may have gone a little overboard - first, my mother brought home the rest of this cherry cake thing, and i had a little piece, as well as a few chips, noodles, and a pear. Whoa - when i write it all down it is alot!!
(next part is a little gross, so you don't have to read it)
But, after I came home from my bike ride, my head started to hurt, like 8.5/10 on a scale. I couldn't remember the last time my head was that sore, besides the one time, like 5 years ago, where I got REALLY sick, couldn't keep anything down, nor could i stand without getting dizzy, and was really sensitive to sunlight in my eyes. Anyways, my head was SO sore. I tried to get to sleep, but couldn't. I took a extra-strength tylenol, tried to get to sleep, but then 15 minutes later.... the back of my teeth started to feel weird, that weird feeling they get when I feel like im gonna....anyways, I guess my stomach didnt like something that i ate, so the dessert, noodles, the chips, and pear...well, i knid of threw them all up. I felt bad, really bad that the food was wasted, and also outstandingly good that now i didn't have to worry so much about it, since it never really entered my system, and became more body fat. When I went to dump it, I was completely taken aback by how much food was in the bin - like 1 1/2 to 2 cups at least of food. WOW! i ate that food in less than half an hour! that much food!!!!
Anyways, so i had some soup - italian wedding - today, and a soup roll, because my head still hurt a little when i went to work. I thought that if i had something to eat, it may help it, but maybe i was wrong, and was just praying for an excuse to eat something. im not sure why i got sick. :( Anyway, at least im getting really into the habit of writing EVERYTHING down, from what i eat, to what i exercise and how long. Nothing goes unnaccounted for.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Love
~em

Watch Me Shrink

I have created a new blog, that you can find on profile page, that is just about me getting thin, just about what i eat, exercise, and just that kind of stuff, whereas this blog you are reading now, is more of a general blog, where I write about everything. If you want to read about just my diet, exercise - stuff like that then check out watch me shrink. You can join me if you want; i will be posting, hopefully everyday, on getting to 110 by July 19, my birthday.
I hope everyone is doing well otherwise, and getting thin and ready for summer!

Lovelovelove,
~Em

P.S. watch me shrink URL: bdaywatchmeshrink.blogspot.com
=)

cheese is less then plain??

A few days ago, I happened to be at a restaurant - like a fast food restaurant, but thankfully nothing from there is fried - and when i looked at the nutrition booklet, i happened to see that cheese bagels were less than plain bagels. What?!? You'd think that cheese would be more than plain, since all that fat in the cheese, but apparently not.
Anyways, so I conquered my fear of jogging during daytime today, and I went for a jog!!
It took me about 35 minutes to go down this trail, but soon i hope it'll take me less than that, with time. After I jumped into the shower, under cold water - well, it wasn't ice cold, like colder than room temperature, but COLD!! Anyways, when I jumped in, I gasped! Damn, it was cold, and i stood there for a few minutes, and it felt good.
Anyway, I am hoping to get out more to go jogging. I really want to wear a nice summer dress by the time my b-day comes around.
Hope everyone is doing well, thin for summer.

Lovelovelove,
~Em