From bad to worse

You know that expression 'How could it get any worse?'; the one you use when everything seems to be bad, but once you say it, it gets worse. Well, my life now has gone from bad to worse.
My mom has now just told my sister and me that we're moving. She can't afford the house, and shuffling snow, and wood for the wood stove seems like too much for her. I keep asking where we'll go once we're out of the house, but she doesn't know yet. That's what always bugs me. No matter where you live, at least once in someone's life they move; i hate moving, it's like there isn't a place in the world that I can ever truly call home.
So now currently I'm jobless, and now maybe temporaryily homeless.
I know it's weird when I post stuff about how bad my life is, when it's better than some. But I really don't like talking to therapists (thank god i don't anymore)- they give you answers like asking people things, that you would never ask. My mother has made me talk to at least 3, when there never was anything wrong with me inthe first place. And they never seem in understand; all they seem to do is sit there, ask you questions, and then write it down, and you get the feeling like their judging you, when, clearly, they shouldn't. I mean, everyone has secrets. Anyway, not knowing who i'm talking to kind of helps; I get annonymity, and i don't have people constantly judging me.
So by the end of the summer, I'll be living somewhere else, most likely in a rented apartment, where you can't een stick a nail in the wall. It's like I'll be living in a temporary home.
Anyway, hope everyone is good. Hope summer is treating everyone well, and good luck in your endeavors.

Lovelovelove
~Em

July 6, 2010

Hey everyone again!
I haven't been posting for a while, and I'm sorry about that. Everything has been going down hill. Good news is that I have finally figured out what I want to do for the next four years!!!!! College - to study English!
But the bad news?? I haven't been able to find a good job for almost a year now. My parents must be rolling on the floor laughing at all of my life's failures, but still thanking God that my younger sister is perfect (besides that fact that she is dating an psychotic idoit! - but they don't know that yet!)
Anyway, my life is hopefully going to get back on track this summer, and I will try to post as often as I can.
I do truly hope that everyone is great this summer, and I hope those pounds are melting off!!!

-Lovelovelove
~Em

P.S.- If anyone needs more inspiration than these (or other) blog posts, prettythin.com is a website that helps me in my darkest hour!

Good Luck Everyone!!!

??

Hey everyone reading this.
I know i havne't really been writing much over the last couple of months. I've just been kind of busy trying to sort everything.
Summer is just a month away and i'm hoping to be much thinner and more fit then. I only have a month left to do that, so I've been trying to get my a** out for a jog more than i usually would.

Over the next few weeks, I have learned that now, if i want to go to a good college/university, i may have to upgrade a few of my classes from high school.
It's no secret, i was miserable in high school, and basically sometimes my grades would be not satisfactory, but thank god i didn't fail anything. Basically when i liked a subject I would do good in it, but if i didn't like the class, I wouldn't do good, like Math, and Science. I did like History, and English Literature, Foods, and Art. So i guess that's good. And besides the fact that I would have to miss a few classes for trips to the dentist that is four hours ago. (orthodonticts, that's why i don't go to the normal dentist where I live) So i have to upgrade one class.

Gosh, this must seem like ramblings.

Anyway, i may not be able to post many updates.
Hope everyone is good.

Lovelovelove
~Em

When is my mother finally going to realize that not everything is about her?
Talking about me going to to college, and she brings up herself, saying that she's still ging to school. I DN'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HER!!! well, yeah, talking about college, but not her. I know what she thinks. she already has a perfect daughter, my sister, so why try to fix me, when theres no point, she already has a perfect one?

why does everything have to be about everyone else?
Maybe that's why i like being damaged...because sooner or later everone will notice, and by then it'll be too late, and then they'll realize how stupid they were.

ARGH!

Lovelovelove
~Em

Its been a while...

Well, it's been a while since Ive been writing. Everything been a little weird the past couple of weeks. I've mainly been visiting Pretty Thin; not much has happened.

Jobless, and lonely, and bored all the time is really...boring.
Probably haven't lost any weight i a while, but now that all the people who were away at college are coming back now, i'll be doing more jogging, jump rope, and losing weight; also dieting. If everything goes according to plan, i hope i'll be thin enough by july.
I was on Pretty Thin a couple of days ago when i saw that someone had put 4 words into their 'about me' thing. they were 'The Pretty Little Liars.' i thought about it, and when I think of it, it kind of makes sense. We all lie to get to perfection, to achieve something that seems to far off, and to feel more than just 'me'. (if that makes any sense at all).
so now I have kind of nicknames myself, the pretty little liar, a code name so that my parents or friends don't know that i'm talking about Ana.
Anyway, i hope to be writing again soon, and most likely have a job by then.

hope everyone is good

Lovelovelove
~Em

'Let It Go To Your Thighs First'

That's what my sister said, when i told her that I couldn't go for a jog yet.
I said that i had just eaten a little bit of popcorn, and am now waiting for my stomach to settle, because whenever i run after eating, my stomach gets sore. She said, "Okay, fine, let it go to your thighs first!"
From now on, i will jog at 8:00 in the morning, and 11:00 in the morning, and 9:oo at night. (AND I will eat NOTHING!!) Hopefully by the end of the month I will be in tip top shape.

Anyone wanna join me???

Lovelovelove,
~Em

Oh My Gosh, it's been SO long!

hey all you pretties out there reading this blog!!
I will admit I haven't been on here, or writing for a while.
To be honest I kind of been on PT for ana stuff now. Not that its not good here, but i kind of like the live chat.
Everything is probably the same as it always is...i count every calorie, but never seem to get the strength to go and run and burn it off.
theres this girl who graduated with me last year, who has already had a baby! and she's like 18!!! I mean, isn't that a little soon??? Not to be prejudice on anyone else, but she kind of was always the shy one...people would always call me shy, but i thought that she was worse than me.
It's quite a shock actually, that something could happen like that, and i didn't even know...i mean, I sat beside her for like 4 years in band, we both played the clarinet, and when band trips came along, we would hang together in the mall and stuff.
My life hasn't even started yet.
I'm bored all the time.

that all must sould brutallyhonest, but if i don't write it all down here, then i have nowhere else to put it, and its not like a therapist is going to understand what im going through, like you guys are.
No one seems to understand about perfection, and how i crave the feeling of it.

Anyway...that probably seemed like a bunch of random stuff, but i hope it wasn't that bad.
I hope everyone who is reading this is doing good.

Best of luck, pretties!!

Lovelovelove
~Em