halloween really does suck...temptation in the air... ew...starting to hate choclate, which is totally different, since i used to absolutely love chocolate.
guess everythings changing
told mom im going to a party tonight, but i'm not
guess i just don't want her to think of me as such a loner...don't know why i lied.
but at the same time, if i'm becoming thin, and stop eating, i'll have to get used to saying lies, like if she asks that i ate, and i say i did? we'll all know that that's a lie.
but at the same time it also feels good, since in life eventually i'll have to tell a lie, and this is just practice.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Oddly enough, CSI
Last night I was watching an episode of CSI - i don't know if it was a re-run or not - but they are talking about how meat-eaters have yellow fat, and vegetarians have white. EW!!
So I researched it, and found out a bit more, like that being a vegetarian make lessen your chance of so many diseases!! Such as many types of cancer, and heart problems.
For those of you who really do want to go green, and vegan, here is a blog I found: thekindlife.com.
And yes, it is Alicia Silverstone, as in the main character in that teen movie 'Clueless'.
go check it out, they have some yummy recipes that are vegan, some just fruits and veggies (making it low-cal).
So I researched it, and found out a bit more, like that being a vegetarian make lessen your chance of so many diseases!! Such as many types of cancer, and heart problems.
For those of you who really do want to go green, and vegan, here is a blog I found: thekindlife.com.
And yes, it is Alicia Silverstone, as in the main character in that teen movie 'Clueless'.
go check it out, they have some yummy recipes that are vegan, some just fruits and veggies (making it low-cal).
new
About a year ago, when I would follow blogs like these everyday, I found a few pointers, that I printed out. Recently I have been going back to see which blog I got these from, but can't seem to remember, or find it, so I will post these up anyway as well.
I printed these notes out to help myself when I'm either going out to eat, or am at the market buying groceries.
PRO ANA - Going to a Restaurant
-Before ordering, ask for a full glass of ice water (with lemon, optional) and consume it. this will make you fuller faster. Also get another glass when the waiter takes your order, and delivers your food.
-Get nutrition information ahead of time if you can. Surf the 'net' and ask about calorie, fat and carb content of their dishes. Then you will know what to order or whether to even bother going there.
-Avoid all breaded or bettered items, fried items, sauteed items, breads, pastas, rices, sweetened drinks, and of course, desserts.
-Get the simplest food in their most natural form available, such as grilled fish and a tossed salad. Lean proteins like shrimp are best. (You don't NEED the cocktail sauce, ignore it!)
-When given the choice, always order lunch portion. NEVER dinner portion.
-Request all sauces and dressgins on the side. That way you retain control over how much you consume. Nearly all calories, fats, and carbs are in restaurant sauce and dressings.
-Eat a tossed or garden salad appetizer; only 20-30 calories and helps fill you up before the food arrives.
-One or two sips of water between bites.
-Set fork down after each bite.
-Chew slowly and thoroughly.
"ANA'S ESSENTIALS" Shopping List - (For getting started or getting back on track)
-Sugerfree crystal light or drink flavouring (0-5 calorie per serving)
-Diet sodas (0 calories)
-Artificial sweeteners such as aspartame or splenda (generic versions of these are cheap & safe as well)
-Sugerfree gum(3 cals per stick)
-Raw fruits and veggies, or whateer is your 'safe food
5-hour ebergy shots or sugarfree energy drinks
-Stimulant laxatives
-Green or Oolong tea for metabolism boost via Catechin
-Scale
BOOKS
-'Wasted' by Marya Hornbacher (the 'ana bible')
-'Thin' by Lauren Greenfield (read or watch HBO documentary)
And lastly, here is a clip of another peice I printed, I hanged on my mirror: (thanks to whoever wrote it!!)
So You Wanna Be Thin?
Welcome to the world. Everyone wants to be thin.
Very few actually make it.
But when they do...everyone pays attetnion.
Theres a reason thin people are models.
Thin is what people want to see.
Anything looks good on a thin person.
Any swimsuit, any pair of jeans, any top, any hairstyle.
Thin is beautiful because thin is control. Mind over body.
Thin people know better than anyone that nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
Thin is like floating on air, shrinking. Being in control.
People who are not thin may say they are okay with how they look, but it's a lie.
Because everyone knows... thin is all that matters
Do you want to matter?
Think about it.
Happy Halloween! everyone
(But don't indulge so much!)
I printed these notes out to help myself when I'm either going out to eat, or am at the market buying groceries.
PRO ANA - Going to a Restaurant
-Before ordering, ask for a full glass of ice water (with lemon, optional) and consume it. this will make you fuller faster. Also get another glass when the waiter takes your order, and delivers your food.
-Get nutrition information ahead of time if you can. Surf the 'net' and ask about calorie, fat and carb content of their dishes. Then you will know what to order or whether to even bother going there.
-Avoid all breaded or bettered items, fried items, sauteed items, breads, pastas, rices, sweetened drinks, and of course, desserts.
-Get the simplest food in their most natural form available, such as grilled fish and a tossed salad. Lean proteins like shrimp are best. (You don't NEED the cocktail sauce, ignore it!)
-When given the choice, always order lunch portion. NEVER dinner portion.
-Request all sauces and dressgins on the side. That way you retain control over how much you consume. Nearly all calories, fats, and carbs are in restaurant sauce and dressings.
-Eat a tossed or garden salad appetizer; only 20-30 calories and helps fill you up before the food arrives.
-One or two sips of water between bites.
-Set fork down after each bite.
-Chew slowly and thoroughly.
"ANA'S ESSENTIALS" Shopping List - (For getting started or getting back on track)
-Sugerfree crystal light or drink flavouring (0-5 calorie per serving)
-Diet sodas (0 calories)
-Artificial sweeteners such as aspartame or splenda (generic versions of these are cheap & safe as well)
-Sugerfree gum(3 cals per stick)
-Raw fruits and veggies, or whateer is your 'safe food
5-hour ebergy shots or sugarfree energy drinks
-Stimulant laxatives
-Green or Oolong tea for metabolism boost via Catechin
-Scale
BOOKS
-'Wasted' by Marya Hornbacher (the 'ana bible')
-'Thin' by Lauren Greenfield (read or watch HBO documentary)
And lastly, here is a clip of another peice I printed, I hanged on my mirror: (thanks to whoever wrote it!!)
So You Wanna Be Thin?
Welcome to the world. Everyone wants to be thin.
Very few actually make it.
But when they do...everyone pays attetnion.
Theres a reason thin people are models.
Thin is what people want to see.
Anything looks good on a thin person.
Any swimsuit, any pair of jeans, any top, any hairstyle.
Thin is beautiful because thin is control. Mind over body.
Thin people know better than anyone that nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
Thin is like floating on air, shrinking. Being in control.
People who are not thin may say they are okay with how they look, but it's a lie.
Because everyone knows... thin is all that matters
Do you want to matter?
Think about it.
Happy Halloween! everyone
(But don't indulge so much!)
Friday, October 29, 2010
Not the same
A few days ago I made some rice, and was starting to eat it when I stopped; I stared at it, put down my fork, almost felt like gagging, and then walked away.
I didn't walk away just because it was food, but because of what it looked like.
A few weeks ago I was cleaning a dish, i don't remember what it was, and i guess it was REALLY old because things had started to grow - gross things, really gross things.
So the rice was brown, but it still looked...gross.
I don't know what happened to make me see rice this way, but now I do.
And it's really weird.
But a little comforting.
I didn't walk away just because it was food, but because of what it looked like.
A few weeks ago I was cleaning a dish, i don't remember what it was, and i guess it was REALLY old because things had started to grow - gross things, really gross things.
So the rice was brown, but it still looked...gross.
I don't know what happened to make me see rice this way, but now I do.
And it's really weird.
But a little comforting.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Failed Again
For us girls, each month, we can know if we have failed - failed ana.
Yes, every month not getting the '.' is like a huge success, a sign that we have managed to do at least something right. So when my stomach was hurting yesterday, I knew I had failed for another month.
One funny thing that I found while reading the footnotes in some anorexic book, was that the fat content you consume can determine whether you get the monthly 'dot' or not. I have never actually known this little tibdit of info, so from now on, lessening the fat content in my diet will do some good. Besides, anyone trying to be thinner, and thinner, knows that to lose weight, you have to lessen the fat content that you consume.
And so it begins...
Good luck to everyone
Yes, every month not getting the '.' is like a huge success, a sign that we have managed to do at least something right. So when my stomach was hurting yesterday, I knew I had failed for another month.
One funny thing that I found while reading the footnotes in some anorexic book, was that the fat content you consume can determine whether you get the monthly 'dot' or not. I have never actually known this little tibdit of info, so from now on, lessening the fat content in my diet will do some good. Besides, anyone trying to be thinner, and thinner, knows that to lose weight, you have to lessen the fat content that you consume.
And so it begins...
Good luck to everyone
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I am now added on facebook, Emma Belle, email anaregzig@hotmail.com
Check it out, even add me if you want; becoming perfect is alot easier knowning that there are friends who can push you more toward your goal. sometimes they are the best. ever.
so, anyways, as I was looking up on itunes (as every tuesday, new music comes out on itunes), I saw a few new tunes that i would've liked to have. So, I'll admit here that I use limewire, but, seriously, who in their lifetime hasn't? And Limewire pointed out that my version is old, so i needed to update. Apparently, when i typed limewire into google, Limewire is now under some judge appointed ruling thing, and it won't work anymore.
One of the few things that gets me through everyday without going crazy, is music. I love music, it's one thing that I know will always be there. so when I found limewire wasn't going to work...i kind of freaked.
And that's all there is to say about that.
Check it out, even add me if you want; becoming perfect is alot easier knowning that there are friends who can push you more toward your goal. sometimes they are the best. ever.
so, anyways, as I was looking up on itunes (as every tuesday, new music comes out on itunes), I saw a few new tunes that i would've liked to have. So, I'll admit here that I use limewire, but, seriously, who in their lifetime hasn't? And Limewire pointed out that my version is old, so i needed to update. Apparently, when i typed limewire into google, Limewire is now under some judge appointed ruling thing, and it won't work anymore.
One of the few things that gets me through everyday without going crazy, is music. I love music, it's one thing that I know will always be there. so when I found limewire wasn't going to work...i kind of freaked.
And that's all there is to say about that.
The last post didnt have a name; I wasnt quite sure what to call it, I've never been good with naming these posts.
Halloween is coming around, which means it will be even more harder to avoid the candy and sweets, which is one of my downfalls (besides late night eating).
I have now sticked to a routine that I found on a pro-ana website, and am quite proud of sticking to it. It's the 'no eating between 7 pm until 7am'. So basically I dont go to bed until 3 hours have passed, from the 7 pm mark, so my body will have had some time to burn the calories in whatever I eat.
Also another rule is, if I am going to eat something wth more calories than i would wish, I eat it in the morning, so that my body has the whole day to burn it off.
I still don't have a scale, but am getting super anxious about how much I weigh, so I will hopefully be getting one soon, and then I will be able to post.
I want to thank those who have posted comments in the past; you have no idea how much they mean to me, that you took the time of day to read any post on this blog. It makes me want to try even harder, push myself to become better. thank you.
xoxo
~Emma
Halloween is coming around, which means it will be even more harder to avoid the candy and sweets, which is one of my downfalls (besides late night eating).
I have now sticked to a routine that I found on a pro-ana website, and am quite proud of sticking to it. It's the 'no eating between 7 pm until 7am'. So basically I dont go to bed until 3 hours have passed, from the 7 pm mark, so my body will have had some time to burn the calories in whatever I eat.
Also another rule is, if I am going to eat something wth more calories than i would wish, I eat it in the morning, so that my body has the whole day to burn it off.
I still don't have a scale, but am getting super anxious about how much I weigh, so I will hopefully be getting one soon, and then I will be able to post.
I want to thank those who have posted comments in the past; you have no idea how much they mean to me, that you took the time of day to read any post on this blog. It makes me want to try even harder, push myself to become better. thank you.
xoxo
~Emma
It has been a while since I have posted anything, and for that I feel bad. I myself come onto proana sites go get inspiration, to know that I am not alone, and know that someone else out there - even if i don't know who they are - knows what i'm going through. I like being able to write in annonymity, and knowing that anyone i know will not have a clue it is me; it's kind of theraputic putting it out there, getting it off my shoulders.
So update:
I probably haven't been proving 'ana' as proud as I could have been, but one good thing that I have been doing is writing down everything that i eat; I am actually kind of suprised at how it can all add up so quickly. I have been eating more than I would want to limit myself to (500 cals per day), but I am now knowing more about my eating habits, and how to avoid temptation better then before.
Over the weekend, my mother, sister, and me took a trip to visit the uni my sister will be going to next year; whilst she was visiting, me and my mother went to do a little shopping. during this trip I did not feel very welcome on this trip; I don't know, it was just the vibe my mother and sister gave off. I graduated a year ago, and I still definitely do not know what I want todo with my life (and it's not like we all positively do know at this age anyway), so visiting the university, I guess my mother felt that her oldest daughter was a failure, and lets face it, I am. I was not the smartest during school, at least not like my sister; I do not have a job, nor do I know where I am going in life. I do know I want to go back to school, but do study a subject, I have no idea what I would study.
Being better than my sister was what I was good at up until a few years ago, and now that I have fallen behind her, it's like everyone looks at me differently. I felt more like a slower-downer on the trip, rather than a fun, helpful person. My mother annoyed me, and she was... probably disappointed.
Thinking about being thin, but then achieving it, I can only imagine the look on their faces when I get to that point, and I know I am better. Knowing that they can see the willpower and how hard I tried to finally succeed in at least one aspect of my life.
Even if I do end up at the bottom of the rabbit hole.
So update:
I probably haven't been proving 'ana' as proud as I could have been, but one good thing that I have been doing is writing down everything that i eat; I am actually kind of suprised at how it can all add up so quickly. I have been eating more than I would want to limit myself to (500 cals per day), but I am now knowing more about my eating habits, and how to avoid temptation better then before.
Over the weekend, my mother, sister, and me took a trip to visit the uni my sister will be going to next year; whilst she was visiting, me and my mother went to do a little shopping. during this trip I did not feel very welcome on this trip; I don't know, it was just the vibe my mother and sister gave off. I graduated a year ago, and I still definitely do not know what I want todo with my life (and it's not like we all positively do know at this age anyway), so visiting the university, I guess my mother felt that her oldest daughter was a failure, and lets face it, I am. I was not the smartest during school, at least not like my sister; I do not have a job, nor do I know where I am going in life. I do know I want to go back to school, but do study a subject, I have no idea what I would study.
Being better than my sister was what I was good at up until a few years ago, and now that I have fallen behind her, it's like everyone looks at me differently. I felt more like a slower-downer on the trip, rather than a fun, helpful person. My mother annoyed me, and she was... probably disappointed.
Thinking about being thin, but then achieving it, I can only imagine the look on their faces when I get to that point, and I know I am better. Knowing that they can see the willpower and how hard I tried to finally succeed in at least one aspect of my life.
Even if I do end up at the bottom of the rabbit hole.
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