more babble

I feel like no one i know knows how i feel about failing about everything, and being fat is just another failure. My mother tells me to eat some more, and that I'm not eating enough, but then she tells me hat i eat too much, or that i shouldn't have eaten the last chicken nugget, or the last package of rice.
I was looking at Crystal Light flavors, and found one that i actually wanted, Peach Green Tea, but then my sister saw me looking, and noted to me that there is aspartame. But who really cares, as long as the amount of calories in it is fine, and it doesn't contain sugar.
I am SO effing mad at myself right now, I mean i ate too much popcorn. I had like 2 cups of hot chocolate to keep myself from looking in the cupboards or the fridge for something to eat.
I keep meaning to get my fat a** out and go for a jog in the morning, but the warm bed is SO comfy. Then i decide how much i really want this, how far i will go to finally achieve self perfection, to finally be able to see myself as 'thin' in the mirror.

I hope everyone is doing SO much better than me, for i don't think i'm doing so well, calorie-wise. Yes, i do have hunger pangs right now, but it'll only last for so long, before i reach for those crackers in the cupboard.

Lovelovelove,
~Em