hey everyone!!
i guess this will be my last post of the year 2009. scary!
Tomorrow nothing is stopping me from doing a fast. See how long i can go.
Anyway...
just wanted to let everyone know that i may not be able to blog for a few days. My mother took off my internet on my laptop, and right now i'm blogging from my sisters computer. I will blog whenever i can find the chance.
i will miss everyone till then!!!
Stay strong and thin everyone!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Lovelovelove,
~Em
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
i think this year has to be the worst christmas i have ever had.
I know it's stupid to cry over not getting what i told everyone i wanted, but did they really think i still like chocolate?
in my stocking, and in every wrapped present, chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate, and still no ipod. Okay so maybe an ipod is alot, but surely on boxing day someone would've thought to pick one up on the day that they're the least expensive on.
anyway...
what is the fastest anyone has ever lost in a week??
i'm hoping to start on a new fast or something. Not qute sure yet.
When it's so frigging cold out, how can anyone exercise?
stay strong and thin pretties!
Lovelovelove,
~Em
I know it's stupid to cry over not getting what i told everyone i wanted, but did they really think i still like chocolate?
in my stocking, and in every wrapped present, chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate, and still no ipod. Okay so maybe an ipod is alot, but surely on boxing day someone would've thought to pick one up on the day that they're the least expensive on.
anyway...
what is the fastest anyone has ever lost in a week??
i'm hoping to start on a new fast or something. Not qute sure yet.
When it's so frigging cold out, how can anyone exercise?
stay strong and thin pretties!
Lovelovelove,
~Em
Monday, December 28, 2009
Another Crappy Christmas
So for part of my dad's christmas present he took us to the city nearby so we could go 'boxing day' shopping. As nothing was open that night, we ordered pizza. And as always, once i start eating - breaking the 'not-eating' cycle - i can't stop.
after i ate, i felt like such a fat pig. Like i was a disgrace to even myself. There's really no words that can describe how a person feels when - after they've eaten - they know that that food will add like hundreds of pounds to their thighs, and the next day they have to endure the countless stares of people passing by, and knowing that they think your such a big FAT PIG.
And i had plenty of stares the next day.
So anyway on Christmas day, as usual, i ran down to the tree hoping to find what i really wished for wrapped under red and green sparkly paper.
Instead i found a book, and fudge. Fudge. The very word repulses me so much.
All i wanted - and asked for - was a camera. Really not much to ask for.
But no - my dad gave me fudge. With the amount that he gave me, i'd gain like 4 pounds. EEWW!!!!!
So anyway, on the quest to perfection - i'd say that gaining like hundreds and eating pizza - I am a huge FAILURE.
Hope you all had a better Christmas and holiday than me
Happy New Year.
stay strong and thin pretties!
Lovelovelove,
~Em
after i ate, i felt like such a fat pig. Like i was a disgrace to even myself. There's really no words that can describe how a person feels when - after they've eaten - they know that that food will add like hundreds of pounds to their thighs, and the next day they have to endure the countless stares of people passing by, and knowing that they think your such a big FAT PIG.
And i had plenty of stares the next day.
So anyway on Christmas day, as usual, i ran down to the tree hoping to find what i really wished for wrapped under red and green sparkly paper.
Instead i found a book, and fudge. Fudge. The very word repulses me so much.
All i wanted - and asked for - was a camera. Really not much to ask for.
But no - my dad gave me fudge. With the amount that he gave me, i'd gain like 4 pounds. EEWW!!!!!
So anyway, on the quest to perfection - i'd say that gaining like hundreds and eating pizza - I am a huge FAILURE.
Hope you all had a better Christmas and holiday than me
Happy New Year.
stay strong and thin pretties!
Lovelovelove,
~Em
Thursday, December 24, 2009
2010
It has only been 2 months since I started this blog, and already the New Year is approaching fast. My, time does fly.
Tonight, my sister, dad and I had Christmas dinner, and i must say that it went much better than i would have expected. Altogether, i had 2 brussel sprouts, half of a very small candied yam, one spoonful of mashed potatoes, 1 small piece of chicken, and 1 diet coke. The mashed potatoes had garlic in them, so i didn't have any - i don't really like any garlic, except garlic toast.
So, now i have to commit to my New Years Resolutions.
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
1. As i am now at least 145 pounds, and almost considered overweight, I WILL lose as least 30 pounds.
2. I will get myself a job, a job that will help with school tuition and living on my own (i still live with my parents).
3. To move from my parents place, and live with someone else, or on my own.
4. Get higher education; go to school.
5. Drink more water!!!
6. Try to fast as often as I can.
7. Get contacts - glasses are SO last year.
8. Redye hair - my hair does NOT look good half blonde and half light brown...EW!!!
9. GET THINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, anyway...
I was looking at updates on other ana sites (thinspiration) and found out that Quest For Perfection can up as "Page cannot be found." That was one of the main sites i would always check.
I do hope that Kat is doing okay.
Happy Holidays!
Stay strong and thin pretties!!
Lovelovelove,
~Em
Tonight, my sister, dad and I had Christmas dinner, and i must say that it went much better than i would have expected. Altogether, i had 2 brussel sprouts, half of a very small candied yam, one spoonful of mashed potatoes, 1 small piece of chicken, and 1 diet coke. The mashed potatoes had garlic in them, so i didn't have any - i don't really like any garlic, except garlic toast.
So, now i have to commit to my New Years Resolutions.
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
1. As i am now at least 145 pounds, and almost considered overweight, I WILL lose as least 30 pounds.
2. I will get myself a job, a job that will help with school tuition and living on my own (i still live with my parents).
3. To move from my parents place, and live with someone else, or on my own.
4. Get higher education; go to school.
5. Drink more water!!!
6. Try to fast as often as I can.
7. Get contacts - glasses are SO last year.
8. Redye hair - my hair does NOT look good half blonde and half light brown...EW!!!
9. GET THINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, anyway...
I was looking at updates on other ana sites (thinspiration) and found out that Quest For Perfection can up as "Page cannot be found." That was one of the main sites i would always check.
I do hope that Kat is doing okay.
Happy Holidays!
Stay strong and thin pretties!!
Lovelovelove,
~Em
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Just a quick one
I am writing just a quick blog as it is only minutes from the last one I wrote.
I hope that -and this is to remind myself- that i can write everyday.
Deep inside is a girl who wishes to be set free, who wishes to be able to let it all go, to not have to keep so many secrets hidden inside her anymore. I have been waiting forever to have a blog like this, where being anonymous is what keeps me writing; where no one knows who i am, and where i won't be punished by my friends or family for speaking what's really on my mind.
And let's face it: anyone who has met me, and knows me, doesn't even like me anyway. So here, i feel better for no one knows me and i don't know anyone - besides what we all write.
anyway...
stay strong and thin pretties!!
Merry christmas and happy holidays!!!
Lovelovelove,
~Em
I hope that -and this is to remind myself- that i can write everyday.
Deep inside is a girl who wishes to be set free, who wishes to be able to let it all go, to not have to keep so many secrets hidden inside her anymore. I have been waiting forever to have a blog like this, where being anonymous is what keeps me writing; where no one knows who i am, and where i won't be punished by my friends or family for speaking what's really on my mind.
And let's face it: anyone who has met me, and knows me, doesn't even like me anyway. So here, i feel better for no one knows me and i don't know anyone - besides what we all write.
anyway...
stay strong and thin pretties!!
Merry christmas and happy holidays!!!
Lovelovelove,
~Em
Chocolate
Okay, so, for some reason, i usually keep a small box with chocolate in it, just to test my willpower. anyway, last night was the most horrible night ever, so i snuck into the box and took a reeses pieces bar. I knew that once i had one i would have the other two, as i am completely weak.
The only thing i am happy about is that i drank diet coke and not regular coke.
But all in all, a sucky crappy day.
hope you all are doing better than me.
Staystrong and thin, pretties!
lovelovelove,
~Em
The only thing i am happy about is that i drank diet coke and not regular coke.
But all in all, a sucky crappy day.
hope you all are doing better than me.
Staystrong and thin, pretties!
lovelovelove,
~Em
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Slamming Doors
So i moved into my dad's for a few days while my mother is out of town visiting family.
Since the moment i stepped in the door, nothing has been going right. Everything is wrong.
I HATE that you can hear the highway from hear, espeically the semis that come through. I hate that you can hear the crosswalk from the highway. I hate that there is a lamppost just outside my window that is on all night. I CAN"T SLEEP WITH IT ON!! I hate that i miss mom and Sam. I'm so lonely here. With Dad it's different; he doesn't even listen to me, it's like im invisible, but mom listens to me.
HE walked into my room earlier this morning, but then slammed it shut.
I buried my head in my hands and screamed in my head as loud as i could.
"Em, you fatty!! How could you be so fat!!! How can you be so lazy!!!! YOUR A DISGUSTING PERSON, WHO DESERVES NOTHING!!! FATTY!!!!"
Got Diet Coke yesterday, so that'll make my day less hectic with counting caloires.
I can smell the fat that Dad is cooking downstairs in the kitchen for breakfast.
it smells DISGUSTING. I can't bear the smell!!
hope all of you are having a better christmas than me.
stay thin and strong girls!!
Lovelovelove,
~Em
Since the moment i stepped in the door, nothing has been going right. Everything is wrong.
I HATE that you can hear the highway from hear, espeically the semis that come through. I hate that you can hear the crosswalk from the highway. I hate that there is a lamppost just outside my window that is on all night. I CAN"T SLEEP WITH IT ON!! I hate that i miss mom and Sam. I'm so lonely here. With Dad it's different; he doesn't even listen to me, it's like im invisible, but mom listens to me.
HE walked into my room earlier this morning, but then slammed it shut.
I buried my head in my hands and screamed in my head as loud as i could.
"Em, you fatty!! How could you be so fat!!! How can you be so lazy!!!! YOUR A DISGUSTING PERSON, WHO DESERVES NOTHING!!! FATTY!!!!"
Got Diet Coke yesterday, so that'll make my day less hectic with counting caloires.
I can smell the fat that Dad is cooking downstairs in the kitchen for breakfast.
it smells DISGUSTING. I can't bear the smell!!
hope all of you are having a better christmas than me.
stay thin and strong girls!!
Lovelovelove,
~Em
Saturday, December 19, 2009
FAT FAT FAT FAT
i know its so soon, but i just had to get this out.
He didn't say it right out, but my dad called me fat.
Okay, so maybe i had a some cookies that made him notice that some were missing. "Your starting to see it, your health will go down." he didn't say it right out to my face, but i know what he meant.
Of all the people in the world, your parents are supposed to tell you that your beautiful, even when your not. That's their job.
But when they say otherwise, it's like someone punched you in the gut, like nothing else you can ever do will make a difference.
I do get it everyday; they tell me that i don't do much, which is partially true, but i'm just not a completely outgoing person; i'd rather stay at home watching a movie, than being at a rowdy party. My dad even comments on that; he says that i don't do much, that i'm lazy, that i sit around all day doing nothing.
To tell you the truth, i hope that he keeps doing it; it'll push me to try harder, to try to lose more weight, to try to be thinner, and be better than anyone else.
stay strong and thin.
Love, love, love
~em
He didn't say it right out, but my dad called me fat.
Okay, so maybe i had a some cookies that made him notice that some were missing. "Your starting to see it, your health will go down." he didn't say it right out to my face, but i know what he meant.
Of all the people in the world, your parents are supposed to tell you that your beautiful, even when your not. That's their job.
But when they say otherwise, it's like someone punched you in the gut, like nothing else you can ever do will make a difference.
I do get it everyday; they tell me that i don't do much, which is partially true, but i'm just not a completely outgoing person; i'd rather stay at home watching a movie, than being at a rowdy party. My dad even comments on that; he says that i don't do much, that i'm lazy, that i sit around all day doing nothing.
To tell you the truth, i hope that he keeps doing it; it'll push me to try harder, to try to lose more weight, to try to be thinner, and be better than anyone else.
stay strong and thin.
Love, love, love
~em
Friday, December 18, 2009
bad, Bad, BAD
so far this month has been the worst. For some reason, i can't stop eating and have probably gained. New Years is coming up...but i know that whatever i put up for resolutions, i'll just break it within a week.
My willpower is the worst ever!!!
It's like i have no respect for myself whatsoever!!!!
i've gotta think this through for a few.
It may be awhile till i'm back on, blogging everything.
Stay strong and thin everyone!!! (and hopefully your WAY stronger than me!!)
~EM
My willpower is the worst ever!!!
It's like i have no respect for myself whatsoever!!!!
i've gotta think this through for a few.
It may be awhile till i'm back on, blogging everything.
Stay strong and thin everyone!!! (and hopefully your WAY stronger than me!!)
~EM
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Calories
I have been looking into getting a calorie-book with all the calorie listings of food in it.
Any suggestions into which book is the best?
Any suggestions into which book is the best?
Sunday, December 6, 2009
report
Besides 2 choc. cookies, one cup of hot chocolate, and one cup of tea, i haven't eaten anything else. Am feeling a little hungry now, and my hand is a little sore for some unknown reason.
have drawn up ideas to redecorate my room. Now to buy the supplies....
stay strong and thin
~EM
have drawn up ideas to redecorate my room. Now to buy the supplies....
stay strong and thin
~EM
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Lighter Than A Snowflake
Am TOTALLY planning to change my life (style).
So, just in time for the new year, and for a new start, I am planning to completely change everything.
I now wear glasses, and am now getting prepared to get contacts. Glasses are SO LAST YEAR ANYWAY!!
Right now, I am blonde, and am hoping to get a completely new style. Maybe Kristen Stewart red, or Taylor Swift blonde, or Taylor Momsen blonde. ??????? which should i choose???
My room is getting new DECOR!!!!!!
i can hardly wait to see how I put everyone together in the end!! New photo frames (and photos of course) and curtains, and new bed sheets, are now going to go in.
I CAN"T WAIT!!!! (maybe let you know how it goes?)
Anyway, I am also going to COMPLETELY change my health. No more crap for me!!!
I am going vegan!!
Tonight at exactly midnight (pacific time), I am not going to eat foods that have a lot of fat, carbs, or starch.
I am not even going to touch things such as white bread, pastries, or cakes. Nothing bleached. EVERYTHING MUST BE NATURAL.
no more dairy, meat, fat, carbs, starch, or foods with added 'sugar'.
(but i'll still drink diet 'coke').
I hope i have enough willpower to get me through this.
stay thin and strong
~EM
let you know how everything works out after midnight!!!
So, just in time for the new year, and for a new start, I am planning to completely change everything.
I now wear glasses, and am now getting prepared to get contacts. Glasses are SO LAST YEAR ANYWAY!!
Right now, I am blonde, and am hoping to get a completely new style. Maybe Kristen Stewart red, or Taylor Swift blonde, or Taylor Momsen blonde. ??????? which should i choose???
My room is getting new DECOR!!!!!!
i can hardly wait to see how I put everyone together in the end!! New photo frames (and photos of course) and curtains, and new bed sheets, are now going to go in.
I CAN"T WAIT!!!! (maybe let you know how it goes?)
Anyway, I am also going to COMPLETELY change my health. No more crap for me!!!
I am going vegan!!
Tonight at exactly midnight (pacific time), I am not going to eat foods that have a lot of fat, carbs, or starch.
I am not even going to touch things such as white bread, pastries, or cakes. Nothing bleached. EVERYTHING MUST BE NATURAL.
no more dairy, meat, fat, carbs, starch, or foods with added 'sugar'.
(but i'll still drink diet 'coke').
I hope i have enough willpower to get me through this.
stay thin and strong
~EM
let you know how everything works out after midnight!!!
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