October 23, 2011

Okay, so maybe that one bit in the last post was a little harsh, but just a little. Im still angry at my roommate for being such an 'ig-nor-a-mus' and not saying it to my face. She must be, like, weak or something.

Anyways, yesterday, at around 4, my mother came to visit. I've been living on my own and going to school for about a month and a half now. She stayed the night, and we went to get a few things from Walmart for my room, and went out for dinner. We went back to Walmart this morning and went to look for a desk, but didn't really find one that was any good. We did find a night stand, and i came back to make it. She then left.

Ive always told myself that I've never really been lonely, but now that i know what kind of a person my roommate is, I guess i am getting a little lonely.

Ive been feeling like I'm walking in eggshells the past few days, since the roommate left me that distasteful letter. Well, I've recently found out that i am the kind of person that can never really forgive easily, and can't really trust that person again. I hold a grudge and i never let go from that. If someone burns me - of course, ill say I'm okay with it - but i never, ever let go. When someone goes behind my back like I've had done in the past, from that moment on, they never continue to be my friends, if they even were in the first place.

And i do stay angry for a long time.

So yeah call me crazy, but i don't regret writing what i did in the last post. I won't delete what i wrote, thats not real, everyone gets angry now and then, no point on denying it. I just choose to take it out on a blog, which, now writing it, seems stupid. A much better thing to do would be to take it out n a punching bag, but as i do not have one of those...or better yet, on myself. Like running longer than usual, or not eating for a day. Little things, but things that make an impact.

lovelovelove

~em

wow, I've just been to my profile, and realized that it has been two years since i started this blog.

Thats a long time. That would have been the first fall after graduation.

thats a long time ago, and thankfully all the troubles that i had then are behind me for good! well, maybe some of them.

Isn't it weird that whenever something good happens, it always seems as if something bad happens that brings you back to where you started, where you hated yourself again?

well, this past few days have been okay, I've been going to school, i went shopping and got new clothes, and on sale no less.

But last night, when i came home, i found this on the bathroom counter. it was a note from my roommate saying some...things that can't be true, since a lot of them, I've been doing right. For instance, she states that she seems to be taking out the trash, when she hardly ever uses it. WEll, she's been gone the last two weekends, coming home way late on sunday night, so to think that she would even be able to take the trash out at 11 at night....absurd. No, I am the one who is taking the trash out on sunday night, making sure that I've checked the kitchen for trash, and the bathroom bin. I can't believe she had the nerve to write that. The idea that maybe she's talking about some other trash, like what she keeps somewhere else, came to mind, but i do take everything out. I DO!

She also wrote a whole half a page paragraph about how she's taken food safe, and how she's finding some of the dishes still sticky, with huge smudges on them, and 'splots' on the cups.

Firstly, splots isn't even a word, secondly, you should really see this girls vocal. It sucks! Thirdly, i don't really care if she's taken food safe, i have as well; i know how hot the water needs to be, i know how to clean dishes, I've been doing it for the past three years. She also gets as into tiny details like writing how the washcloth should not be balled up, as bacteria can get in.....well, I'm not stupid, i know what happens. I don't ball it up every time i use it; ill admit that maybe I've done it a few times, but most of the time, i wring it out, and put it over between the two sinks.

Now I'm starting to seriously regret getting a place with a roommate, i didn;t think it would be so hard. no wait, not hard, but now its like everything i do is to impress her, and for what? just so she can believe she's better than me???

now this will be rude, so don't read if you don't want to:

but, she's the one on student loan, she's the one who eats things like tortilla chips, and meat, and drinks coke like theres no tomorrow. Im the one who drinks water, oj, and maybe choc. milk every once in a while; I'm the one who has ALL of her school expenses paid, I'm the one who is doing well at my classes, and I am the one who isn't watching tv all the time. Im not the one who leaves her things in the dryer, and when i say things i mean underwear. seriously, when i want to dry my clothes that i have just washed, i want to be able to put them in the dryer without too much of a hassle.

Anyways

yeah

lovelovelove

~em

it has surely been a while since i last blogged.

im not sure if i mentioned this, but i moved to the city.

it feels good to get on with my life, to not have to go with what other people do; i can have whatever i want for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and can eat whatever i want, without people bugging me; i can come and go whenever and wherever i want.

its good.

my mother is coming down to visit this weekend.

she's been texting me, and i think she wants to meet up.

the only thing is i absolutely DO NOT want to meet mary.

Im not sure if i mentioned this before in a previous post, but mary was my grandmother, before i denounced her of that title. Now she is not my grandmother, but just mary.

i hope i don't meet her. i hate her to the very core. Im not sure if i wrote down what happened between us back almost a year ago, but thank god i got out of there, even though at the time i didn't want to leave.

But, there is no way she will never be my grandmother again, not after what she accused me of.

Anyways, school is busy, i have a few tests, like midterms, next week.

my school is wednes to fri, one 3 1/2 hr class on wednes, two on thurs, and fri as well.

lovelovelove

~em