so i have previously written this post, but deleted it because i didn't think it was any good.

I was overhearing my grandmother talking to my uncle about me. Let me just say that out of the two grandmothers, I previously liked this one better, but i think my mind has changed.
I overheard her talking about one period in my life where the decision that my parents made was wrong. When I was born two of my toes didn't split all the way down, and when I was young, the doctors gave my parents the choice to decide if they wanted to recorrect it. They decided not to, for reasons, one being because I wouldn't be walking for quite a while, and being at that young age where were hyper and everything, that would have sucked.
Anyway, so grandmother was saying how she thinks it was a mistake, the choice my parents made.
To sit beside someone and know that they are not happy with the way you look....
anyway, then she goes on about what my father said to my mother. So during high school my mother put me in front of about 4 therapists as she thought I was depressed. I abmit I was depressed at one point of my life, but that was a long time ago, like grade 9. I got over it, and the last few years of high school, i was lonely, but in no way depressed. Grandmother goes on to say how father said that it wasn't me that was depressed, but my mother.
As first I was repulsed at that thought, but then it made sense. My mother is depressed, but she seemes to take it out on me.
Grandmother also talks about how she will be enforcing some small rules.
First of all, let me just point out how self-disciplining I am of my own life. Everything on the bathroom counter is perfectly alined, everything is hung up, as well as the bedroom. I make sure that everything is where it is supposed to be, and where it is meant to be. Everything is neat and tidy, and I accept nothing less.
Anyway...
the night of new years grandmother seemed a little angry, i don't know why, but while we were waiting for the ride who was to pick us up, i started to quietly cry in the lobby of the apartment. I started to think of how much a mistake I made to stay with grandmother, someone who i now know hates everything about me, and thinks im a mistake.
Geez, life is sure stupid.
I have applied for some jobs, so hopefully once I get one, my life will get better.
Till then I hope everyone is doing well.
Happy new years.

lovelovelove
~em



Just a tip for those reading this and think that toe thing is weird: actress gemma arterton was born with polydactly, and hannibal lector has it as well (in the book 'silence of the lambs')