Hey lovelies,
It has sincerely been a while since I last wrote, and I just want you all to know, you who are reading this, that I am still alive, and doing all right.  The past year and a month has been a long time; I was reading my last entry that I wrote, and I don't know if I was really mad when I wrote it or what, but I had so many vocabulary mistakes, going back and reading it, I can't believe that I missed that many, being the kind of person who is quite particular, and meticulous about something like that.  I remember when I would correct my friends papers, if I spotted grammar mistakes, and they wouldn't be happy about it.
The last time I wrote was May 25th, which seems like such an eternity ago.  I graduated from college, but still have some assignments to go back over and hand in.  Looking back, I can really say that I was a little lazy with it.  I wish I could come up with a good punishment that would make me less lazy.
Its about 6 in the morning, right now, where I live, and I don't think I can sleep.  I haven't been able to have a very good night's sleep for a very long time.  I looked back at past entries, and read that I had put in that I hadn't been sleeping well, so it seems like an extremely long time since I've been able to have more than 2 nights of good sleep.  I know I don't really have insomnia, though, trust me, that thought has really crossed my mind.  I just have this habit, that even when the lights are out, and Im trying to sleep, my mind if racing, thinking about everything.  I had a sleepover for the first time in over 5 years, at a friends place last week, and I was talking about what would happen if there was an earthquake, or a tsunami, where she lives - in a apartment, on the 7th floor.  She said that, in the last two months that she's been here, in vancouver, she has never really thought about what to do if any of those scenarios actually happened.  I always think the worst.  Always.  Its a really bad habit.
I've had a few, well, 3, job interview in the last few weeks, first at zara, then at the gap, and lastly for topshop at the bay.  I so much wanted the topshop one, very badly.  I think i threw the interviewer off when I said that i was excited about the dropped waists 60's trend, but what i was actually thinking about, were dropped waists-belts.  And i totally forgot about houndstooth pattern; and I totally should've said something about the shoes, the pointed toe ones, like the ones seen at the Marc Jacobs Spring 2013 show, the 60s inspired one.  I saw the Louis Vuitton Spring 2013 show - also by marc jacobs (designer), and it was absolutely amazing - tied with the train one he did last season!
Whoa, got off track...anyways I really wanted the topshop job, and I thought it went really well.  Until Monday came and went, and I never heard from them.  Now for the past week, Ive felt like...depressed.  
Ive had this dream, it doesn't occur every night, but the theme is the same: the reasons, I can't remember, but I dream that I move back to smithers, where i was before.  Im not sure if i wrote about it, but I did try to move down here before, when I was with my grandmother, but after a while, my 'mother' came to bring me home; thank god too, my 'grandmother', though I call her mary now, accused me of some awful things, things I will never forgive her for.  So, I keep dreaming that I move back.  then I wake up, and I thank god many times, over and over, that it isn't true, and that it was just a dream.  But i still need a job.  And bad.

Wow.  That was a long entry.
Im still about 125 pounds.  My boobs are big, and my legs are nothing to talk about.  Now that fall is coming, I can wear coats and get away with how fat i am more easily.
Hanging with friends makes me eat more, i realized a few days ago, when I hung out with a few friends.
I really do things pick up for me.  I really do.
I really wanted that topshop job, but he did say that they will be hiring within the year, so fingers crossed.  Wish me luck.
Hope everyone is doing well

Love
~Em
:)