I wanna go back home to my apartment in the city SO bad. I hate it here, i feel like everyone just wants me to leave, to not be here. My sister hasn't really spent any time with me, but why would she? And thats okay. My mom just got mad at me for something she started in the first place; i don't know what her problem is. I don't know why we're spending more time at her house, and not at my dads. My dad is the one who calls almost every week, i haven't even gotten a call form my mom in over a month. Just a few random texts ever so often. I feel like she thinks i remind her too much of my dad, and maybe she doesn't like me for it. I have absolutely no idea why i think that, but i do. And its my sister that looks like dad more than i do. I guess it could be because i was the first mistake in her life, one that she couldn't take back, one that would keep her in one place for the rest of those 18 years. But she could've left if it was so bad, so i don't know why she makes it seem like she doesn't really want me.

Oh gosh, I'm rambling alot.

Ive probably eaten a lot more than i should be. Like i said in the last post, I've gained like 3 pounds, and all i can think about is how many calories will be in my next mouthful. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it.

I didn't really feel so good last night, and didn't get to sleep till like 3 am. Its so cold in my room, i miss my city apartment room. I wanna go back so bad so i can get out to find a desk. Im of no use here. i feel like no one has ever, or will ever want me. But thats not new at all.

Merry Christmas!