Its SO cold where i currently live. Then to add on to that, its windy, which makes the cold even more unbearable! When i look at the weather forecast on my ipod it says -17. Brrrrrrr!!
So anyway, for the past few weeks, Ive been thinking seriously about myself, and what the future holds for myself. Last week I got an acceptance letter to the college I hope to attend in the fall, which was a huge high for me, since i didn't completely expect me to get in! Now all i have to do is figure out where i will be staying....I know I am certainly NOT staying at my grandmothers again. The first time sucked, so, NEVER again. Now, im just hoping to get into the courses I want/need to take, since I hear they fill up fast at this college.
So, as i said for the past few weeks, I have been seriously thinking about myself, and everything. Ive kept a diary, which will hopefully help. But ive been thinking about how i'm gonna live - who do i wanna be? what do i wanna do with my life? - when last night, as my father was dropping myself off home, I hit myself with a big question: why do i wanna lose 20 pounds?
That is a weird question to just randonly come up in someones head, since for a long time, ive stamped 'FAT' all over my mind, making myself know that, if i don't lose 20 pounds, i'll never be pretty. So i thought about the question, and here is my answer: so he'll/they'll see me better than he did before.
Okay, okay, crummy answer, but in high school I had this crush; during high school I was fat, a nobody, someone who just walked the halls with remorse towards herself for letting it get it this fat, and also waiting at any chance to leave high school. Anyway, I want him to see me, thin, and pretty, gorgeous and beautiful.
Ironically enough, as much as i hated high school, 2 years later, I kind of miss it. Not only because of the same routine every day, but because i always saw my friends there, no matter if they talked behind my back and i didn't know, but i knew that every day at 8:20, we would see each other. Now their gone, and i hardly see any of them. I hate not knowing whats going to happen, and with high school, it was pretty predictable. I know college will not be the same, and high school is over now, so i hope i make a new world for myself in the fall.

I looked back to my very first post, Oct 9. Ive been writing in this blog for just a little under a year and a half. wow. I started this blog just 4 months after i graduated. When I think about it, that was a long time ago.

Hope everyone is going good, and heading to thin.
love you loveliees! (love-lees)

~em