Its SO cold where i currently live. Then to add on to that, its windy, which makes the cold even more unbearable! When i look at the weather forecast on my ipod it says -17. Brrrrrrr!!
So anyway, for the past few weeks, Ive been thinking seriously about myself, and what the future holds for myself. Last week I got an acceptance letter to the college I hope to attend in the fall, which was a huge high for me, since i didn't completely expect me to get in! Now all i have to do is figure out where i will be staying....I know I am certainly NOT staying at my grandmothers again. The first time sucked, so, NEVER again. Now, im just hoping to get into the courses I want/need to take, since I hear they fill up fast at this college.
So, as i said for the past few weeks, I have been seriously thinking about myself, and everything. Ive kept a diary, which will hopefully help. But ive been thinking about how i'm gonna live - who do i wanna be? what do i wanna do with my life? - when last night, as my father was dropping myself off home, I hit myself with a big question: why do i wanna lose 20 pounds?
That is a weird question to just randonly come up in someones head, since for a long time, ive stamped 'FAT' all over my mind, making myself know that, if i don't lose 20 pounds, i'll never be pretty. So i thought about the question, and here is my answer: so he'll/they'll see me better than he did before.
Okay, okay, crummy answer, but in high school I had this crush; during high school I was fat, a nobody, someone who just walked the halls with remorse towards herself for letting it get it this fat, and also waiting at any chance to leave high school. Anyway, I want him to see me, thin, and pretty, gorgeous and beautiful.
Ironically enough, as much as i hated high school, 2 years later, I kind of miss it. Not only because of the same routine every day, but because i always saw my friends there, no matter if they talked behind my back and i didn't know, but i knew that every day at 8:20, we would see each other. Now their gone, and i hardly see any of them. I hate not knowing whats going to happen, and with high school, it was pretty predictable. I know college will not be the same, and high school is over now, so i hope i make a new world for myself in the fall.

I looked back to my very first post, Oct 9. Ive been writing in this blog for just a little under a year and a half. wow. I started this blog just 4 months after i graduated. When I think about it, that was a long time ago.

Hope everyone is going good, and heading to thin.
love you loveliees! (love-lees)

~em

new post and thinspo

hello again!
since i am a frequent blogger who tends to find thinspo to further push me to get to where i want to be, i decided to give back to those who have given to me. Here are a few thinspo pictures that help me to not eat that chocolate cake, or that big bowl of pasta.

what i usually do is i print pics, then post them in my food diary or journal. i don't post them on my walls, since i live with my mother, and she could see them and think there's something wrong with me. which there isn't.

im not kidding

let me start at the beginning...

last night, I had a dream; now we all know that dreams can get pretty weird, or stupid.
so, the dream starts out with a wedding, which is in the back yard of some big house. then suddenly im sitting in a tree, wearing what was a dress, maybe sneaker-like shoes, and erhaps a sweater. Obviously something was wrong with my outfit, because the next scene shows the bride standing kind-of beside me, looking at me, and making what would seem like s speech. I can't exactly remember what she said, but I know she spoke about, and to me, and it was only a few sentences. She said something like 'you should get better with wearing clothes that suit you.' I can't exactly remember what she said to the point, but I think those were the guidelines.
Then the dream changes, and Im in a bedroom, looking at different dress, and sweaters, thinking about which dress would be best to wear. And of course, for some odd reason, Im looking at wearing a sweater over it. Girls walk by, and oddly they seem disgusted with the huge bulky sweaters.
weird dream, I know, but oddly enough, it seemed SO completely revelant to what im going through today.
Once I had a dream, a few weeks ago, that I would be back in my old town, regretting that I came back, and wishing SO much that I was back in vancouver. Oddly enough, a few days later, I went back to the old town. So now, i tend to really wonder what my dreams tell.

Anyways...
I woke u a little late today, and OMG it was snowing like crazy!! There was LOTS of snow already on the ground. Walking to my father's house was a bit fun. the snow was almost up to my knee, and so the only way i could get down the road was walking on tracks that vehicles had already made, and at that time, there wasn't many, but I was lucky. the only thing I was truly worried about was that my computer would get wet, because snow could get in the bag I was carrying, so, yeah, i was worried about snow getting in and ruining my computer. luckily, it didn't.
the past week has been, well, a bit weird. eating food was almost like, 'i don't care', which im starting to get back into thinking, 'CALORIES=BAD!!'. but the past week, i've been graving on food, and not feeling to horrible about it.

anyways....

hope everyone is doing good, keeping up with those new years resolutions on weight, etc.
:)
~Em

i may have been discovered. i'm not sure. in any case, I am currently changing the url on this blog, but I will only be simply adding 3 words. For those of you who want to keep reading what I write, here is the clue to where my new url is:

1) the current url name + This sign ( - ) + (as one word, absolutely no spaces or anything between each word) the three words blair wanted to hear from chuck, gossip girl fans you know this.

good luck, and stay strong

~em